Just got out of the shower, but I don’t even feel clean, even after all the soap. It’s like the dirt is inside my skin, inside my body, and nothing can clean it. I will wash my clothes too… or I must say, pyjama.
It doesn’t happen often that I need to go in the shower after cleaning something… but when it happens, I HAVE to go and wash my clothes.
If you have OCD and you’re in charge of cleaning the toilet because you live alone or because no one else will do it… DO IT REGULARLY. Don’t be like me “oh no, don’t wanna do it, it’s disgusting, I’ll panic. No, not this week, too disgusting. No, not this week again, it will be horrible”, because the day you’ll have no choice to clean it, it will be damn horrible and hard.
AND WEAR GLOVES.
And go take a shower after.
And do it when nobody’s home so if you cry they won’t notice.
Shower, shower, shower, with lots of soap.
Oh and put the gloves in the garbage. Take new gloves next time.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have a sick boyfriend. I adore my boyfriend but he has a good health and he keeps telling me “you shouldn’t be so negative, you should do that, do that, you can do it, some people are sick and still have a life, blablabla”. I know he’s just trying to encourage me but sometimes I wish he could just be in my body for a few months to understand what it is to be in pain.
I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with someone sick… At least we could understand each other. But I guess that would be depressing, and adding his limitations to mine would make a great deal of limitations!
Sometimes he says “I might not know about it but my aunt has lupus and she told me that”. I told him “she would have the right to tell me that because she knows what it is to be sick. It’s not the same coming from you.”
Everytime we talk about that, it makes me sad and angry I told him things like “you, people with no problems and good health, YOU SUCK”. They wouldn’t suck as much if they tried to understand.
1. “Pull yourself up by the bootstraps.” (On top of this expression being rude and dismissive, it’s also outdated and stupid. STOP USING IT.)
2. “Get over it.” (1. Fuck you. 2. Why don’t you offer advice that’s actually helpful?)
3. “Everyone has mood swings from time to time/Everyone’s a little bit bipolar.” (Does everyone slice their arms up with razors and stay up all night when they have mood swings? No? Didn’t think so. Bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness, not a normal state of being. Stop minimizing my illness.)
4. “You need to eat.” (Thanks, but you in all of your normal-weight glory can take your superiority complex and concern elsewhere. I have to make the decision to get better, not you. Accept that you have no control over my eating disorder and move on- telling me to eat doesn’t make me want to eat.)
5. “You have nothing to be depressed about. You need a reason to be depressed.” (You don’t need a reason to be depressed. That’s the difference between clinical and situational depression. Read a goddamned book on the subject, PLEASE.)
6. “It’s really just mind over matter.” (Ha. Ha.)
7. “Everyone has problems.” (When you asked me what was wrong, and I told you, it wasn’t an invitation for you to lecture me on how my problems aren’t worse than anyone else’s- I never claimed that they were. I wasn’t bombarding you or anyone else with my issues- YOU ASKED, I explained. I wasn’t comparing myself to anyone, so stop doing it for me. I do have perspective- mine is that you are UNHELPFUL and INCONSIDERATE.)
8. “I don’t need drugs to deal with my problems/you’re weak for taking medication.” (First of all, congratulations. I’m so glad you’ve never had a mental health problem serious enough to require the use of psychotropic medication. You’re a perfect, angelic individual. Second of all, you’re a judgemental, narrow-minded asshole who has no insight into the fact that the entire population of planet earth is not exactly like you. Everyone has different needs. I need medication to survive.)
I just had an amazing idea for my boyfriend and I first anniversary, that includes good food, sun and bathrooms (for my bladder disease), etc. I just hope I won’t have a spliting headache or migraine. The thing is we have to go to Montreal, it’s at least 30 minutes of car, probably 45 minutes. Lately I’ve had trouble with long car rides, it gave me migraines. But I’ve been feeling better for the last week so I think I could try…
So we would go for a picnic to the “Mont Royal”, but we will not climb it… Just at the bottom there’s a lot of place to lay down, and it’s beautiful. I used to go there often when I was a teenager. Just across the street there are public bathrooms!!! Then we will go to “Juliette et Chocolat” that is a restaurant that serves almost only chocolate (you can have shooters with alcohol and chocolate, a lot of desserts, every kind of chocolate you want…).
I really love going to restaurants, but we did that often. So with the picnic it would feel more “special”.
Aw this would be fun!!!!! I hope I’ll feel fine. And that it will be sunny day.