Things that generally send me into something akin to a murderous rage. [tw for ableism] (note: every single one of these has actually been said to me at some point during my years of chronic illness.)
Equating having a cold to the worst day in your life.
Equating having a cold to dying.
Calling yourself a “cripple” because you strained your knee.
Telling me I have no idea how much pain you’re in due to a minor injury. Or telling me that because you experienced pain or illness for a short period of time, you know exactly how chronically ill people feel.
Talking about nice it must be to be housebound because “it’s like summer vacation!” or “so you just get to sit around and watch tv all the time? I’m jealous!” Telling me I must be playing up my illness in order to: skip school/not work/get other people to do things for me/[fill in ludicrous benefit here.]
Anything equating chronic illness to vacationing. Or laziness. Or lack of motivation.
Being told if “you just did “x” you’d get better.” (Great examples: If you just got more sun, you’d feel better! If you just exercised more, you’d be fine! …note that one of my illnesses is CFIDS, in which symptoms are MADE WORSE by exertion.
IF YOU JUST DIDN’T THINK YOU WERE SICK, YOU WOULDN’T BE SICK! Note: A lot of us have gotten that one from doctors. Yep.)
Miracle cures. (So I was reading this story today and this girl drank this one tea and suddenly she’s all better, I think you should try that.) (and this magical exercise progam! And also, that obscure thing. And this thing!) I have doctors. I (fortunately) like my doctors and we work well together. What you’re saying by constantly bombarding me with things I should try/miracle cures is that I, personally, do not know what is best for my body and my situation and that I obviously haven’t figured out a plan of my own/am not being proactive. It’s offensive.
Telling me that getting disability money must be nice. (Fun fact: what I get for disability? If I lived on my own, it wouldn’t even cover rent/food. And I am housebound/sometimes bedridden, a.k.a. unable to bring in an income or support myself.)
Being told that when I’m angry/upset/depressed/frustrated/exhausted, it sucks [for you] to see me this way because I’m usually such a positive person! (I could write up a whole damn post - and link others - about the dangers and damaging affect of the “Pollyanna” type that society has cast onto the chronically ill/disabled. You must always be positive or you are letting everyone down and your lack of positivity is the reason you’re sick!!) (Your emotions aren’t valid, be an inspiration for us and never make us uncomfortable, or stfu!)
Being told I’m such an inspiration/so strong/you wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing. You know what I’m “doing”? Surviving. That’s what people do.
Being told I must be healthy since you saw me last Friday and I “looked healthy.” (No.)
Being told I can’t be ill because I’m “so pretty” and “so young.” Because young and attractive people obviously never get chronic illnesses!!!!1!
Being told I shouldn’t be angry/depressed/grieving because I “still have my whole life ahead of me.”
Being told if you “just keep a positive attitude…. if you don’t get bitter… if you just tried harder…” (Magically thinking yourself healthy, it must work! or: able-bodied/healthy people want to keep their carefully constructed worldview that they will never be in danger of life-altering illnesses if they just try hard and stay positive. Because acknowledging the unsurety and lack of control over health is scary.)
It’s better than being thin and unfit. Overweight people who exercise just 150 minutes a week have half the risk of mortality of normal-weight people who don’t exercise at all, according to research I conducted. That’s not true once you move from overweight (meaning a body mass index, or BMI, of 25 to 29.9) to obese (a BMI of 30 or more). But being fit and a little fat seems to
Of course you care about looks. It’s just something you can’t control! Even animals as small as birds care about looks. Why do you think male birds have bright feathers? Because looks matter.
Maybe they mean that personality is actually more important than looks. Maybe it means that they rather date someone with an great personality instead of someone hot. (Of course they wouldn’t cry if this person were also hot… but you must see my point.)